From today’s Dan Ariely column in the Wall Street Journal:
Dear Dan,
This past year I’ve worked alongside a wonderful group of colleagues. I am so thankful to have worked on this team. I’ve just been promoted and will now manage the same group. I worry that this will change my relationship with its members. Do you have any advice? —Erika
and here is Dan’s response:
In your new role, make sure to continue to express gratitude toward your colleagues. Their support will be crucial to your success, and words of appreciation can go a long way in motivating people.
Sadly, research has shown that when people get more power, they tend to express less gratitude, even though more power might come with more to be grateful for, such as a higher salary. One study looked at the acknowledgment sections of academic papers and found that authors with high-ranking titles expressed less thanks than their junior counterparts did. A study of Wikipedia editors found the same effect: Senior editors made fewer thankful comments than junior ones.
These results suggest a link between power and expressing less gratitude, but perhaps more powerful authors and editors expressed thanks less often because they received less help. A controlled lab experiment helped to identify the causal mechanism. Participants were offered help on an annoying task from someone they were told was either their boss or their employee. As in the previous studies, people were less thankful for help from a subordinate than from their manager, perhaps because they felt entitled to help from a lower-status worker.
People with more power are less prone to give thanks. Try to fight this tendency as you take on your new role with your old team.
No surprise, really. If you want people to treat you with respect as their boss, then you need to show them respect as well, and that starts with the simple act of gratitude for what those individuals have done.
Since I really do not have any “boss” responsibilities, I guess I’ll just be on the lookout to make sure my bosses show me some gratitude when I do something helpful.
I guess first, though, I have to figure out how to do something helpful…
*image from More Thank You Notes
I’ve always thought that the less you pay someone, the better you should treat that person, if you want to keep that person in your employ. But higher ranking managers tend to have managers working under them. And since managers get paid more than regular employees, maybe there’s less need to treat them as well as their need to treat their employees well.
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since I don’t pay the people who read my blog, that’s why I am always so grateful when they do…
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I see you have developed a keen sense of economics, in your profession.
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or of being a cheapskate…
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I just don’t understand why it should matter. If the person is higher or lower ranking in the company compared to you should make no difference. “Thank you” doesn’t require vascular cessation upon utterance. JUST SAY IT, and freaking MEAN IT!
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I don’t get it either; I guess power does something to people. and what a phrase – vascular cessation… 🙂
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Thank you 😂
I don’t think power does it to people. I think people just tend to think kindness and gratitude make them look weak in positions of power.
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on a related note, I think many people think that apologizing makes them look weak. I would strongly disagree…
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One of the hardest things to say sometimes is “thank you.” There is personal strength in those words. To be able to ask for help, receive it, and handle it graciously, are all a lot harder than demanding assistance and pretending like you did it on your own. Any two year old can do the second.
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I think thank you is easier to say than I’m sorry…
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For many , this is true. For me, I find that they are both not too difficult. I’m sorry when I’m sorry. I appreciate help that is given so I’m thankful.
The only one that I get tongue tied on is the opposite statement to “you’re wrong!” LOL
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I like to think I am pretty good at saying thank you and I’m sorry as well.
Your tongue-tied situation reminds me a of a Happy Days episode where Fonzie couldn’t say “I was wrong”
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That’s because it’s very much the same. Unlike Fonzie, I can admit when I’m wrong, I just cannot seem to admit when someone else is…not wrong LOL
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I’ll have to watch your comments moving forward, to see if you ever say I’m not wrong 🙂
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I did you one better a bit earlier 😉😊
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I just saw that – I feel honored! thank you…
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You’re welcome. I think I developed an eye twitch from typing it though 😝
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the twitch should go away soon enough…
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It should disappear along with the remainder of my sanity soon enough LOL
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this has been a tough couple of years to keep our sanity…
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Honestly, I was born short on sanity, long on a vast expanse of nuttiness. So, I have a good solid death grip on what sanity I have. It’s managed to make it through these last 2 years, although I don’t honestly know how. I just need it to hold out a few months more. Then I will happily check myself into Shady Pines Asylum for the Cracked Eggs. As long as there’s a padded room, I’m totally in 😉
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Let’s hope it’s just a few more months.
I’ve heard SPACE is a nice facility…
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Space? As in the bar or the expanse? I’m just kidding
Oh, it will only be a few more months. I am not talking about COVID or anything like that. I’m talking about how long until I go completely mad. I just have to make it past the holidays, past my father’s birthday and past my aunt’s birthday, my mother’s birthday and my birthday. Then I can crack like the fractured egg I already am. And off to Shady Pines I go!
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SPACE as in Shady Pines Asylum for the Cracked Eggs 🙂
that is a lot of birthdays to get through!
enjoy the holidays!
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Lol
Luckily they are all done by jan 28.
You too! Stay safe!
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thanks!
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As the song by Aretha Franklin says…it i all about R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
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yes, indeed!
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A couple of my best principals I worked for didn’t just preach teamwork—they demonstrated it in how they treated everyone on the staff with respect. They showed their appreciation for the custodians, lunchroom monitors, playground supervisors, bus drivers, etc., publicly recognizing their efforts. A higher position shouldn’t entitle one to be less civil.
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and you would hope that future leaders learn from such examples.
reminds me of the saying: Be nice to those you meet on the way up because you will meet them on the way down
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Thank you 😊
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🙂
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There are two ways to reward the work of subordinates. One is raises; the other is recognition. One costs money, and the other doesn’t. Any budget can afford a little appreciation shown to the employees. Great post, Jim!
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well said, Brad. And I think employees like a mix of both…
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Saying Thank you has a lot of power because appreciation goes a long way. And it shouldn’t matter what position you are in. Managers and their employees both need to show appreciation. Human beings in general need to show their appreciation instead of taking things and people for granted.
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I agree; rank should not matter. Everyone should be in the habit of showing gratitude multiple times per day…
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it can make all the difference to those who work for/with you. a matter of respect and acknowledgement
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I agree, Beth.
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What is so hard about saying “Thank you.” ??
Another human complexity! It does mean a lot to know you are appreciated. The last manager I worked for was not good at all with that, which would explain that when she started up a daycare at another location, barely any of her employees followed her. We got new jobs instead…where we were appreciated.
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I hope your last manager learned her lesson…
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I would hope so too!
I think there are way too many bosses who may have the knowledge of how to run a business but have no clue about dealing with people! You need both!
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yes, the so-called soft skills are jsut as important…
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This is a good reminder for bosses and all of us. Bosses (and just about everybody) should say thank you more than they do. Although it is part of an employees normal duties to perform tasks for the boss, a thank you always helps to make people feel appreciated. Many large employers spend a lot of money and effort measuring employee engagement. Things like treating employees with respect and good communication (saying thank you ticks both of those boxes) are more important than the size of a raise as far as leading to higher engagement scores and a more productive and happier workplace. Still when a CEO gets the multi-million dollar annual incentive bonus for merely doing what a salary should be sufficient compensation for, they never say thank you to the employees.
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maybe those million dollar bonuses make them speechless…
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I’d have a heart attack. At least my heirs could afford a nice funeral😁
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or at least a nice vacation… 🙂
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Thanks for this post.
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thanks, boss…
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Jim, I couldn’t agree more. Earnest respect and genuine gratitude can go a long ways in cultivating a professional work environment.
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well said, Richard!
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Loved this, and so agree. And it doesn’t cost anything to be nice. Like my husband used to say, “Some people with a lot of money who’ve climbed their way to the top, seem to forget where they came from.”
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grateful and humble – tow winning traits…
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Seems like ‘Being Human 101’ to me. I can’t stand people who don’t thank others for help.
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that, and not apologizing…
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Ha I’ve been in this situation a couple times.. I think/hope that each time I showed gratitude and respect for the same group of colleagues as well but who knows!
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I am sure you did…
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I actually wonder if I show too much gratitude to my subordinates. 🙂 Funny conundrum, yes?
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I’m sure they would never admit to it 🙂
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Oh, dear…all I will say is that it is a word which everyone should use from the top to the bottom so to speak and is one which bugs me if it is not said and I think it should be…my pet peeve in other words…Nuff said…I hope you and all your family have a great Christmas, Jim 🙂 x
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I agree; we could all benefit from saying and hearing more thank yous.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas as well – in your 80 degree temperatures!
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Its never quite the same but it will be a good one.. Hope yours is too x
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👍
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👍👍
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There is no “i” in team. Sometimes managers forget that. I’ve also observed that in some situations management will play their subordinates against each other with the main reason being to make themselves look better. Sad.
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that is sad to think that such games go on; but at the end of the day, people are going to care more about themselves than the company – I think that is human nature…
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Hats off to Dan. He is spot on. Thank you goes a long way. After all my years of teaching, it still feels special when our school’s director says thank you.
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I agree; it is such a simple phrase, but it can do wonders for the person hearing it…
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Yup!
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Gratitude and praise goes a long way to gain the respect and support you will need to reach your goals in management. Also speak softly if you want to be listened to more. This works for me with my kids and grand-kids which I am learning perhaps later in life than I wish I had.
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thanks for your thoughtful comments; I too wish I knew the things I now know, much earlier…
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