Today I took my aunt to a commemorative luncheon that celebrated the life of one of her first cousins who had passed away last year.
The husband of the deceased gave a few words at the start of the luncheon, telling everyone that he and his wife had planned to have this luncheon to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary, but she had passed away before they could do so. He told the story of how he had met his wife and what a wonderful life they had together. It was a beautiful story, and the love he had for his wife was obvious.
At the table where my aunt and I were sitting were the deceased’s brother, his wife, and other family members. I am sure I have met this brother a few times in my life, but it was likely only brief introductions each time. Besides recognizing his name, I have to admit I really did not know much about him.
But apparently, he has quite the memory.
When we shook hands today, the first thing he said was “You’re the one at Villanova, right?” I was taken aback that someone I barely knew would be aware of such a thing. Fortunately, he was a Villanova fan 🙂
We had a wonderful conversation during lunch, and at one point the topic turned to the TV show, Antique Roadshow. As part of that discussion, he said to me “I remember when you mentioned at your dad’s funeral how he had sold his coin collection to help pay for your education.”
I was shocked. My dad passed away in 1993 and I had given a tear-filled eulogy at his funeral. I would have been surprised if anyone remembered what I had said during the eulogy an hour later at the luncheon, let alone 28 years later.
The remark left quite an impression on me.
It made me realize that there are people who do care enough to listen to what you have to say.
It also made me realize how powerful family ties can be. They are there to celebrate not only the good times but to support you during the difficult times as well.
While driving home, I came to the conclusion that I need to pay closer attention to what people have to say and that I have to work harder to build and maintain strong relationships with my extended family.
This is not the first time I’ve learned a life lesson at a memorial service. And while they have all been ones I should have learned a long time ago, I am grateful that at least I am learning them while I still have the chance to apply such lessons.
*image from FAVPNG
Wow. I’m impressed as well.
Not as monumental, but my cousins have mentioned how much they enjoy my humor on Facebook -which is a platform I turn to in social-interaction desperation. They hadn’t replied to any of these posts so I thought, like you, no one was listening…
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what a great example; I’ve had the same thing happen with a couple of my posts. you never know who’s listening, so we need to be careful what we are saying! 🙂
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That, too!
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A lovely post, Jim and yes we never know how our words impact others …it is always lovely when we are pleasantly surprised and learn something..A beautiful post, Jim 🙂
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thanks, Carol!
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So your dad sold his coin collection to help pay for your education? How nice to have a dad who would care for you that much. Maybe the reason why this distant relative remembers this so well is because the generosity of your dad greatly impressed him.
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yes, he sold his coins to help pay for my MBA. it was incredibly generous…
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Wow! What a special moment to know he remembered a tribute that you said about your Dad all these years later. Yes, words from the heart can make a powerful impact for sure! ❤
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How wonderful that the luncheon was held in her memory. And it’s amazing what people remember. The sad thing is when family only comes together for births, marriages and / or deaths.
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yes, that is sad that those tend to be the only occasions when families come together…
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How wonderful to have made such an impression that the brother remembered your thoughts so many years later. Of far less significance, sometimes I’ll run into an old student who is now an adult, and I’m amazed at some of the things they recall from being in my class. (Many times about stories I told) Your comment about sharing something personal from your dad’s eulogy rings true because I’m convinced it is those intimate moments that most connect us with others. Perhaps the brother was a compassionate person, and your remarks touched his soul.
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that is one of the joys of teaching – running into former students and hearing such stories. I think older generations took family relationships more seriously…
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I’ve often said that the delayed rewards of teaching (such as this) are one of the best parts of the job.
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agreed…
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My take from your essay is that the art of conversation which relys on listening and speaking is an important thing as oral histories while being subjective are a record of how we lived our lives as families. In that we need to learn to listen to what is being said and to also take the time to have those long conversations and in turn contribute to that oral history.
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great point that our words have the potential to become part of our history, so we should choose them carefully, and listen to others carefully…
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A lovely post, Jim, and a valuable lesson learned.
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What a wonderful story to share, Jim. There is a lesson in there for all of us. Words matter!
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thanks, Bard. and it was a good lesson to remind me to both choose my words carefully, and to listen to others more carefully…
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Some things do create a lasting impression and we never know what that will be or how the impression will affect the other. I’m pleased the impression you made was positive. What a wonderful thing your father did for you. You’ve done him proud. I’m always surprised when I attend a service how much I find out about the person I thought I knew and I wished we discussed it when we had the chance.
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who realizes that they didn’t the full story on someone until you attend such a service, and you wish you had gotten to know them a bit better…
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It happens too often, more so now that I’m getting older and losing more from my life. 💖
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yes, agin has the effect of making us more reflective…
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And that’s a good thing.
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agreed…
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what a beautiful lesson and a gift from your family
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indeed it was, Beth..
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We never know who is listening! I love your reflectiveness, and yes, it’s a lesson for all of us to reflect on and learn from!
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thanks; my takeaway is that I need to choose my words carefully, and I need to listen to the words of others more carefully…
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Absolutely!
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Jim, this is a nice message. I grew up without extended family. my father was an orphan and my mother’s sister lived on the west coast. I really don’t have much of a feel for the types of relationships you mention. I am building these adult relationships with my brother’s kids. They’re very satisfying. That coin collection story is pretty interesting. Of course that would only work with the cost of tuition, room and board was less than $3000 per year. 😦
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I’m glad you have the opportunity to build those relationships with your brother’s kids. And while tuition was much cheaper back then, I’m sure that coin collection would be worth a lot more today as well…
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True, but nothing inflates as quickly as the cost of a college education.
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that’s true. I wish my salary did!
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Learning to listen better. A lesson we all could learn. Sounds like you had a wonderful dad. One worth remembering.
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yes, on both counts. he was a wonderful dad…
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Wow! I need to learn to listen better and remember and be inspired by others! What an awesome tribute to your dad! I know I always get a happy feeling in my heart when somebody remembers anything specific about my dad so I’m sure that meant a lot to you!
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it was quite nice that he remembered and made mention of it…
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That’s a really lovely thing to remember! It just goes to show how important listening to what others says actually is, and the impact it will have had on you for someone to remember the wonderful words you said in tribute to your dad!
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Family and extended family is becoming more important to me as I grow older. I think you are right about speaking from the heart. I need to cultivate a memory like the deceased’s brother.
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I’m with you, I think aging makes us more reflective…
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Jim!! I read this twice, then poured a glass of wine to read it for the third time. My goodness. You must be reeling. No wonder you wrote a blog post when you came home, and what happened had time to sink in.
I often think about how everyone has ‘something’. Your aunt’s cousin’s husband had a remarkable memory that few of us have. That was his ‘something’. Don’t you think this is purposeful, meant to be? It has poured into you, flooded you, in the best of ways. Not only did he remind you of precious family stories, he left you with an impact that is for more than family stories. It was a ‘pay it forward’ as much as a reminder to pay attention to the words of family and friends. How wonderful!
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thank you for your beautiful words, Jennie. Yes, the deceased’s brother did seem to have a remarkable memory, and I appreciated that he remembered my words. Now I just need to start doing the same; as you say, pay it forward…
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Exactly!! I need to follow the same advice, and also pay close(r) attention to what people say. If only my memory were… well, you know. Best to you, Jim.
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yes, it seems some people have better memories than others. I wonder if it is nature vs nurture at work…
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Good point!
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That’s such a touching and poignant story. I always think I’m the only one that latches on to those details, but it’s a good reminder that others do, too. And family ties matter.
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thanks, Staci. I need to work on my listening skills so that I can become one of those people also…
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I suspect you’re a good listener already.
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I’ve gotten better, but lots of room for improvement…
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That’s probably true of most of us.
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Caring and listening are what families do. Thanks for reminding us.
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well said…
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A beautiful story Jim. You never who you’ll meet at funerals and weddings. I was touched by the lovely eulogy, as I struggle with pain writing one currently for a little ceremony I’m going to have for my husband when his headstone ever goes up. 🙂
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Jim, thanks so much for sharing. From this post, many more life lessons will bear fruit.
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thanks, Richard…
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I love this story! I too am touched when others listen to what I have to say and show me that they “see” me. It’s quite a powerful gesture of kindness. Thanks for reminding us of this important lesson! 😊
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it is a good reminder to pay attention to what others have to say…
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Jim, what a wonderful story to share. Words matter, as do those who truly listen. ❤
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I guess it says something when we are impressed when people listen…
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Yes, Jim. To be heard and remembered above all the hubbub. ❤
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exactly…
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Life lesson learned through the benefit of aging. Proves we’re never too old!
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yes, getting older does make a bit more reflective…
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