After more than 15 months of isolation, people are starting to become more social. However, there is a chance you’ve become a bit rusty at exactly how to do so.
Much like a runner who takes off 15 months, you may need to start slow and build up your skills before you are at least as proficient as you were before.
In today’s Wall Street Journal, Elizabeth Berstein offers five tips on how to ease back into socialization.
- Master small talk
- To start, find common ground. The weather is perfect.
- Try commiserating.
- Keep the small talk going until you can establish a rapport. You can do this by digging down on a topic rather than jumping from one subject to another. Ask questions. Aim to learn something.
- Plan ahead
- Give your answers a time stamp. (“Today has been a good day.”)
- Ask questions
- Everyone likes to talk about themselves. And they’ll think you’re a great conversationalist for directing the conversation to them. This is what I try to do, because I never have anything interesting to say. I’m not sure anyone thinks I’m a great conversationalist…
- Segue smoothly
- Listen closely for an opportunity to change the topic
- Try to introduce some positive topics.
- If someone has shared something emotional, be sure to acknowledge their feelings before moving on.
- Exit gracefully
- nonverbal cues come in handy; Take a step back to increase space. Wave at someone across the room. Go ahead and peek at your watch
- Show appreciation. “It was great to see you. I’m glad we got to catch up.”
- A positive exit will hopefully set the stage for future conversations
So there you have it, five, or however you like to count, suggestions on how to become a better coversationalist.
By the way, here is my take on the five:
- How YOU doin’?
- Always make sure your first question is, “How YOU doin’?”.
- How YOU doin’?
- Once the person answers the question: “How YOU doin’?”, move to tip 5.
- Master the Irish goodbye.
These five tips may give you a little insight into why no one seeks me out at social gatherings…
Maybe I just need to practice my communication skills, so let me give it a shot.
How YOU doin’?…
Fine. How’re you?
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“fine”…
(looks at watch)
“it was good talking with you..”
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Same here. See ya’.
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… silence…
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The pandemic opens up a whole new line for small talk like “I really like your mask” and “what vaccine are you running on?, any side effects?”
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or it could lead to an argument…
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I don’t know anyone I associate with who hasn’t gotten a vaccine. No argument from me, just hasta la vista. 😉
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I do know a few people…
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Oh, lawdie… we do NOT talk vax’s anymore! Considered rude due to the holdouts who get defensive. But it was common convo in Mar-May!
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I agree; I stay away from talking about the vax…
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It’s pretty much viewed as an invasion of privacy now!
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it’s just easier to find something else to talk about, like the weather…
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That’s not happening here at the moment, Jim…good ideas though at this rate I will forget how to talk 🙂
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I never knew! 🙂
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Stop trying to hit on me, Joey!!
I know it as a french exit… been doing them since I was about 20!
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and I’ve never heard of the phrase french exit!
And that Joey line never would have worked for me…
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My braces are causing me to have trouble forming some words, making my motor-mouth a little odd.
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your braces would be a good conversation starter! 🙂
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Can’t see them… still masked!!
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too bad! 🙂
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Man that seems like a lot of work. I may just want to stay in isolation. It’s the perfect place for an introverted hermit.
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I’m with you, as long as it’s an option to stay in isolation or not, not mandatory… 🙂
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My go-to move is one of these ideas—ask questions. Of course, the questions have to be tactful. Not something like, “Where did you find those hideous clothes?” 😎
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Maybe such a line will make your Irish Goodbye easier… 🙂
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I would agree people love to talk about themselves, so asking questions and showing interest in the answers is a great tool. People also like to be right. So agreeing, if you can stomach it, also goes a long way. And it doesn’t hurt to be well read.
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I am quite happy to let people talkaout themselves. If it gets to be too much, then it’s time for the Irish goodbye.
I also agree or just don’t say anything of I don’t agree with what a person is saying. I’m not a fan of confrontation…
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You’ve put a funny spin on what is almost a comical problem for me. My ability to talk with others is severely retarded. Six years ago, before I gave up alcohol, I was fairly comfortable making small talk. Since going dry, I’ve struggled with verbal connection. My brain essentially freezes and I can’t think of anything to say. Sometimes feeling self-conscious in the middle of a sentence, I get choked up and have trouble talking. Yes, I know… therapy.
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I gave up alcohol a few years ago, and I knowexactly what you are referring.I also found it harder to talk with people at social gatherings where drinks were being served. As a result, I tried to avoid such situations.
I did start having a beer one or two days a week a couple of years ago. While Iwas more willing to go to social events, I’m not sure it made me any better of a conversationalist!
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i’m horrible at small talk/chatter and my mind instantly went to the irish goodbye, so i was so happy to see it there! guess i’m the same after being isolated or not?
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I think I am the same isolated or not, as well…
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I’ve never been much good at small talk and I generally find others are only too happy to talk about themselves and really ask anything of me. While I may be happy to be let off the hook it does seem rather one-sided much of the time. Before, during or after lockdown, I don’t think it makes much difference to me.
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You sound a lot like me – if we ever ran into each other, it could be an awkward conversation! 🙂
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I think we’d be okay now as we know each other quite well. We could skip the small talk and go to the deep and meaningful. 😂
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What’s the Irish goodbye? I love these tips and often employ them without even realizing.. I have seen friends who just don’t know how to go about ending conversations though lol painfully so lol… My husband always complains about a chatty Cathy at work and I told him since you know that’s her nature, what I would do every time I am in a meeting with her is give her a gentle warning about how much time you have avail on the clock… “Hey Cathy great that we could have this meeting, listen I have to run in 20 mins but let’s get into it…” And keep your word! I don’t think that’s being rude at all, it’s setting out expectations… In social situations it can obviously be less business and more casual but I think one can still employ the same tactic…
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from Wikipedia: The Irish Goodbye is a term used for someone who leaves a party without saying goodbye to anyone. also known a the French Exit or Dutch Leave.
great way to set those time expectations up front.
even better is not to have those meetings at all! 🙂
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Lol, unexpected Friends flashback right there. I can’t really socialise anymore, because I WAS ON A BREAK.
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yes, a classic Joey line…
hopefully you get to socialize again, if you so choose!
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I will forever picture you as Joey Tribbiani now. 😉
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I’m fine with that! 🙂
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I like the Irish goodbye approach. I do that a lot in work meetings.
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it’s the best!
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I’m too am sorry the weather is perfect. But I love the pink color of your Arctic parka. I am sorry you have to spread your mother’s ashes today. Where is Baffin Island anyway? Do you think you will have time to play some tennis on your trip. Wow, I see Jim Borden over at the Irish Heritage Exhibit. Why don’t you go over and introduce yourself?
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I may have to use these questions at my next social event, which seem to be fewer and fewer these days – which is fine with me.
And I have heard tennis ia avery popular activity on Baffin Island.
And thanks for sending this person in my direction 🙂
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I’m so glad we’ve not been in isolation for 15 months. Five weeks was long enough! I gather you enjoyed Joey in Friends?
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five weeks is long; 15 months woulld be unbearable; and yes, I ama fan of Joey… 🙂
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Your 5 tips might work, but following all the tips listed here will make me even more awkward hahaha 😂
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I’m not sure if I can get any more awkward 🙂
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You’ll never know haha after all it’s hard to believe that someone who have walk the same road for years can get lost yet it happen to me 🤣
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sometimes our minds just start wandering and our feet just start doing their own thing…
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Autopilots haha
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exactly 🙂
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Being able to gracefully exit a conversation is a good point. Now I just have to figure out when to ditch ’em and which exit to use.
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the first break in the conversation, and I’m out of there! 🙂
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Thanks for the tips but I have decided to now live like a hermit forever and avoid humans for the rest of my life… 😂
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just think how productive you’ll be! 🙂
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Unfortunately I have also decided to procrastinate everything so not very productive…
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but if you’re a hermit, I guess your procrastination doesn’t affect any one else… 🙂
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Not sure I’d base my communication skills on a TV show but all in all interesting
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desperate times call for desperate measures… 🙂
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Indeed
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Ha ha, more sage advice! Cheers Jim
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thanks, Peter!
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Sign me up for the Irish goodbye lol 🙂
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it’s my best party move… 🙂
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LOL Jim. I hate to admit, that it’s my favorite exit at parties. 🙂
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👍
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🤣😁
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