Wow – This Ivy League School Is Really Lowering Its Standards…

I received the following email today:

Hi Jim,

The University of Pennsylvania has an opening for a Research Track Associate and/or Full Professor Division of GI, Hepatology and Nutrition in their Philadelphia, PA location. We thought you might be interested in this opportunity. To explore this further you’ll find more details and the application instructions on the job details page below.

It is a job that I am completely unsuited for, but if they think I might be interested, I may have to check it out, especially if it involves a pay raise.

It would make for an interesting interview.

Interviewer: What do you know about the University of Pennsylvania?

Me: The Palestra is the greatest place to play college basketball in the country.

Interviewer: Tell me about your approach to teaching nutrition.

Me: Anyone in my class who does not become a vegan gets an F. Vegans get an A.

Interviewer: So tell me where your writing has been focused lately.

Me: Bubblegum music, bathroom habits of people in the U.K. and the U.S., flibbertigibbets, Meat Loaf

Interviewer: awkward silence

Me: taking advantage of the lull in the conversation, I use my phone to check my WordPress stats

Interviewer: OK, we will be in touch. Do you have any questions?

Me: Could you tell me what Hepatology is?

*image from The Daily Pennsylvanian


54 thoughts on “Wow – This Ivy League School Is Really Lowering Its Standards…

    1. I just read that part of Hoosiers was filmed at Hinkle, so that’s a nice feather in its cap. But nothing beats the intimacy of the Palestra. It’s just a shame that some of the great traditions that took place during games have been banned…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hoosiers did a poor job of showing what Hinkle is like. The entire atmosphere of high school basketball games with 13,000 screaming fans in the state tournament or otherwise is unmatched at any level that I’ve seen. Seriously. College games at Hinkle (Butler) aren’t close. The Palestra may indeed be the best place for college games. At any rate, your interview is hilarious! ๐Ÿ˜„

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I should have used past tense because seeing a high school game with 13,000 screaming fans at Hinkle will have to be on video because the heyday of Hinkle Fieldhouse was the 50s, 60s and 70s and before. That was the days of single class high school basketball, and those games were the biggest sporting events in town. I miss those days and games. The state tournament moved to Market Square Arena and now Banker’s Life Fieldhouse. It is the only NBA arena with Fieldhouse in the name – an homage to Hinkle. I’ve seen a lot of basketball in my time in person and on TV. Hinkle high school basketball was the best basketball experience I’ve seen. The Palestra is the same vintage as Hinkle. I’m sure its history and design make it an amazing place to watch basketball. I’d love to see a game there.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. that’s a shame to see something like that fade away. the palestra used to have college triple-headers 60 years ago. I finally got to go to a game a few years ago – it was great…


  1. I like your mercenary attitude toward a pay raise. But what else should be expected from a professor of business accounting? It sounds like they don’t care about your qualifications, so don’t sweat the interview. I say, go for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall (pre-COVID, of course) for this interview. Your latest writing should have locked up the job. ๐Ÿคฃ

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was an exceptionally funny post, Jim! Your humor, delivered with its usual dry wit, is delicious. I can picture the whole interviewing scene. Don’t forget to mention that you are also willing to coach the collegiate juggling team!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I still plan to teach accounting, no matter what the name of the course is. The students can pick up that medical stuff on their own, but accounting is much harder.

      And I’ve never left Pennsylvania ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry. For some reason, I thought you were in Chicago. No idea why. If you ever get in my neck of the woods, we should grab coffee. But I won’t discuss accounting with you. You don’t want to get me anywhere numbers!

        Liked by 1 person

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