It’s been a while since I’ve shared a Pinkcast, video clips from Dan Pink that offered useful advice typically in less than two minutes.
One of Dan’s recent Pinkcasts deals with a dilemma many of us have faced.
The thought comes into your head to get in touch with a friend you haven’t communicated with in a long time.
But you hesitate, usually because of two fears:
- you think it will be an awkward conversation.
- the other person won’t really care if you reach out to them or not.
Well, according to Dan, research has shown that we are wrong on both counts.
It won’t be nearly as awkward as we imagine, and the person does care that you reached out.
So Dan says the solution to the dilemma can be summed up in five words:
When in doubt, reach out.
Here’s the Pinkcast:
*image from pngitem
We do tend to worry a lot about things that aren’t true. So I agree, reach out. The worse that could happen is to find out that they really don’t want to hear from you, but at least then you know! No more wondering! You can scratch them off your Christmas card list. 🙂
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And, obviously, they won’t miss your Christmas card, since you probably haven’t been including money with it.
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What do you mean, didn’t you get the money I included in your Christmas card last year?
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No. In fact I didn’t even get a card. I’m going to have to complain to the warden about this.
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Oops! Perhaps I forgot. But it probably got lost in the mail. You know how bad the postal service is. 😉😄 Or your warden kept the money.
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Nothing ever, ever gets lost in the mail. Sometimes things take a long, circuitous route, but they finally show up, perhaps 80 years later.
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Well then maybe in 80 years you will get the “lost” card with money in it.
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Pffffft!
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so I guess I just need to wait a few more years to get that letter from Steve Jobs saying he’d like to hire me…
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I think it’s in the bottom of one of my old mail bags.
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well if you get a chance send it on, I might try and get the new guy at Apple to honor the offer…
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Good luck. I hear he’s a nerd.
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my kind of guy…
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maybe you sent it to the wrong Tippy Gnu…
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I got your check, but it bounced…
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she sends me money…
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What?! 😮
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Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know what he is saying!
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Actually, I remember a time you sent me $1,000 in gold currency. And I thought I was the only one.
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Oh gosh! You aren’t helping, doolally!
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Well, you can help. How about if I cash in that gold currency for green currency? Gold has likely gone way up in value, so you can’t lose.
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😶🤚!
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there it is!
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🙄
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👍
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or better yet, trade it in for crypto…
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I thought it already was crypto. It sure has been a mystery to me, how to get my bank to accept it.
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maybe you can get Papa John’s to accept it…
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Tippy has always been a big help…
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Haha! Welllll it depends on your definition of “help”. 🙂
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she sent me $1,000 worth in dogecoin, but I thought it was a toy for my Golden Retriever,,,
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Dog E-Coin, eh? Did you know that was started as a joke, but somehow it caught on and made the creators very rich?
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I did not know that – will that be part of your blockchain series?
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the check ended up bouncing…
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such an observation is correct 99% of the time. the problem is knowing when I’m saying something in the 1%…
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LOL!
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Don’t be getting me in trouble! SSH!!
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don’t be sending me bad checks…
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You still send out Christmas cards?
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My list has grown ALOT smaller, but yes. 🙂
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my wife has been sending out our Christmas card electronically for the past few years…
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but if I scratch them off my Christmas card list, they might stop following my blog! 🙂
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And then what would happen to your stats! 🙂
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I know! so I guess I’ll keep them on the list…
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Dan is right, most people appreciate someone reaching out to them.
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I agree…
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Now that I am older and perhaps a bit wiser I worry more about what’s in my head instead of what may be in someone else’s. If I want to reach out, I do, and it usually ends well.
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that’s a great perspective to have!
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I don’t always agree with Dan, but I think he has this one right. I’ve become the de facto organizer of many gatherings among old friends, and my efforts are appreciated in nearly every case. Somewhere along the line, I realized it was way more worth the risk to try.
Part of that philosophy has been developed by my own experiences. I ALWAYS love hearing from old students. The fact that they reach out many times after years have passed always feels great. Why not give others the same feeling? If someone doesn’t respond to my inquiry, I guess I’m old enough that it doesn’t bother me because I still know it’s the right thing to do.
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I need to be more like you, and I agree, it is nice hearing from former students, and sometimes I’ll take the initiative to reach out to them to see what they’ve been up to.
Dan’s motto reminds me of that AT&T slogan – Reach Out and Touch Someone!
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This was one of the best Pinkcasts I’ve seen. That’s great advice that I’ll try to implement.
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I agree; it was short and sweet…
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Oh oh oh oh oh … WOW!!! I can’t believe you posted this at this time!!! I’ve been thinking exactly those thoughts for about a week or ten days now! I reached out to one who used to be my bestie, and she rejected the overture. (My political views have cost me numerous friends and even family members) But then, I reached out last night to another, a former co-worker and ‘lunch-buddy’ … and he didn’t say much, but did respond with a ‘Thank you’. Of late, I find myself missing old friends who, due to my world views, have stepped away, and just about an hour before reading this, I had decided not to bother trying any more, but now … I think I’ll try again … maybe, just maybe, friendship can rise above political views? Thank you, Jim.
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Oooh Jill I am so sorry! It is so sad how people let differences in beliefs rob them of a friendship! Its NOT right at all! You know you are stuck with me, my friend! 😊
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it is sad, but it’s good to have our blogging friends 🙂
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So true! They help us keep/lose our sanity. 🙂🙃
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I guess you can’t have one without the other 🙂
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Eh … it happens. I am, however, seriously considering quitting Facebook, for it has become more of a burden than a way to keep up with friends who are no longer friends. And you know I’m grateful to be stuck with you!!!
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Yes, WP is so much better than FB!! FB has turned into so much drama, don’t need that!
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I agree, but I have to admit I do like Twitter as well…
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I never tried Twitter.
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how is that possible??!!
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LOL! Its been rather easy. 🙂
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Drama, yes, but also … oh, I dunno … ignorance? I have friends who do nothing but post pictures of their food, their new furniture or Christmas ornaments, and I wonder if they even realize that this nation is in dire distress? It annoys me when … they ignore everything serious and think that the world only exists in the confines of their own little lives. Sigh. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound cruel, but … too many of my ‘friends’ on Facebook seem to think that if they can just ignore the world outside for long enough, it will simply go away. Sigh.
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yes, I have gotten tired of people posting such photos on Facebook. but I’m sure people could care less about what I post to WordPress!
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‘Tis the same here. I have a few Facebook ‘friends’ who will read my Jolly Monday or Good People Wednesday posts, but nothing else. The important ones are left untouched. ‘Tis a sign that there are many shallow people out there.
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I wouldn’t call your Jolly Monday and Good People Wednesday posts unimportant. For many of us, it’s just the right antidote to all the bad news that’s out there…
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Awwwww … thanks, Jim!!!
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👍
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I stopped posting my blog to Facebook about at least a year ago, and now I spend about 15 minutes a day on it, primarily wishing people happy birthday…
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I might as well stop posting mine there … I get on average 2-3 views from Facebook per day … not really worth the effort. I stopped doing birthday wishes for a while, but only recently resumed. It does, after all, only take a few seconds and maybe, just maybe it brings a smile here and there.
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I had about the same success with Facebook…
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that’s a shame to lose touch with people over political beliefs; hopefully you could find some common interests that helped create the friendship in the first place. I can do a much better job staying in touch with old friends as well. Good luck, Jill!
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It happens, my friend. With one, maybe two exceptions, I’m not losing sleep over it. Perhaps it’s my fault, perhaps I simply cannot keep my mouth shut when something doesn’t sit well with me. But … as Popeye used to say, “I yam what I yam.”
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I am sure these past few years have tested many relationships…
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Families have divided, marriages dissolved, and parents separated by more than just miles from their children. My own son is a Trumpeter and I find I just cannot carry on more than the briefest of chats with him before I want to throttle him. Sigh.
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that’s tough when it is someone in your own family – I know the feeling!
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😔
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This is the classic mistake of overthinking things. One I am very familiar with. Great advice and post to share. Good to have you back, my friend!
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Right on, Brad. Life is usually pretty simple, but we are good at complicting things.
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I really agree with him on this one. I think we sometimes build up all kinds of negative scenarios in our heads perhaps out of fear of rejection or feeling guilty or some other possible reason. in the end, it is worth reaching out, and almost always ends in some sort of positive outcome.
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well said, Beth. I plan to reach out to a couple of old friends over the next few days…
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I’ve been making a point of this for the last couple of years and it’s been really rewarding
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that’s good to hear…
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What the world really needs is fewer platitudes and more simple actions underscoring our need for connection.
We’ve all seen the aphorisms on Facebook and other platforms about friendships but my experience had been a tremendous lack of follow through in terms of making it happen
Let’s hope Jim and Dan have helped in bringing this more to our attention
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well said, Bud.
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Wouldn’t we all love it if someone we once enjoyed in the past reached out to us? So why not be the one to do the reaching out.
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It is helpful to look at things from the other perspective…
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Great advice
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What I don’t understand about this is that, if we are all so wrong in what we think, how did all those pieces of research find so many respondents who thought otherwise?
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hmmmm…. good point. Maybe the researchers only contacted people on the receiving side of such calls… 🙂
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It’s a puzzle, wrapped up in an enigma, surrounded by a conundrum, isn’t it 😉
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that explains it perfectly 🙂
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Or you could reach out…and then doubt. I dunno. I’ve had mixed results with this in my life. With someone reaching out to me who had an agenda. Once I realized what it was, yeah…no. With me reaching out to others…I’ve had some good results and some not so good results. It really all depends on the context, the person and the relationship you’ve already established.
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I guess you’ll never be sure of the outcome, but it seems like in the end, you’ll be happier more often than not…
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Love this 💝
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it’s seems like solid advice…
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Thank you Jim! This post reminds me to reach out to a former colleague from years ago. We started teaching in the same year are different school systems, but our paths crossed a few years later. Great podcast!
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I enjoyed this short video from Dan as well. Great relationship advice…
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Spot on, Dan!
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it seems like everyone enjoyed this Pinkcast… I guess Dan is on to something…
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😀
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I certainly would appreciate an old friend reaching out to me, so it’s good to know that it’s not a problem if I do the reaching out.
However, I am sometimes scared when someone does reach out to me out of blue — specially if it might involve financial favors.
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or to let you know some sad news…
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I have had this very dilemma, and it isn’t always as easy as it sounds! I have gone ahead and reached out, and the person is happy to reconnect. Invariably, though, the pattern seems to be that I keep having to keep the connection going. I think it is certainly worth doing, initially, as long as the understanding that it may come to nothing sits well (enough) with the one extending themselves. Rejection is never easy to take, whether overt or not.
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I think I’ll reach out to someone, maybe but still I continuously avoid it, because maybe my case will be the exception one and they wouldn’t care if I reached out.
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but noting ventured, nothing gained 🙂
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