Want Some Advice? Give It, Rather Than Get It…

Most people are taught that if you get stuck on achieving a goal, it may be helpful to ask for some advice.

Well in this week’s Pinkcast, Dan interviews Wharton professor Katy Milkman who offers two tips that might at first glance appear counterintuitive. Katy is the author of the book: How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.

Katy first tip is to give someone else advice onthe very same goal you are trying to achieve.

The logic?

Based on the work of Lauren Eskreis-Winkler, a professor at Northwestern, giving advice makes us feel more confident that we can actually achive the goal ourselves. Doing so also leads us to introspect in ways that we wouldn’t otherwise about what might actually work

And once we give advice, we want to walk the talk, it would be hypocritical not to follow through.

Research has also shown that when put in position of advice giver – people perform better at achieving their goals.

Katy’s second tip?

Create an advice club. Having access to professionals is helpful for not only reaching out for advice, but also helpful when you are asked for advice, for the reasons noted above.

So here’s my advice:

Stop eating junk food, and eat more fruits and veggies.

Now it’s time for me to walk the talk.

Here’s the Pinkcast video:

38 thoughts on “Want Some Advice? Give It, Rather Than Get It…

  1. Hmmm….. Interesting concept.
    I don’t know if I like your advice about the fruit and veggies. LOL! Actually I do like a lot of fruit, veggies, are a little harder, and yes, I know that’s bad. I am trying. πŸ™‚

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  2. So true.. It reminds me of the self-deprecating thing most ppl do but those same ppl will use positive reinforcement and affirmations to boost their low-esteemed friends!

    I think we just have to reminder to be as kind to ourselves as we are to the ppl we care about! And yes, I can see how giving advice would help loosen the soil at your feet and give you that needed boost.

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  3. Oh yeah, we tend to take diet for granted, even though it’s something that directly affects our bodies. It’s something I try to actively do, but the junk food is just too tempting sometimes, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. good point, we are probably going to be more careful about the advice we give others, and hopefully we then heed that advice ourselves…


  4. I like tip #2, but as you say #1 seems counterintuitive. For example, right now I am dealing with all kinds of gopher issues. I’ve tried many solutions to no avail. I can’t begin to offer advice except to mention be careful or you might find that you’ll be like me and become the next Billy Murray in Caddyshack.

    Same thing when I ask for advice on a car problem. How can I offer advice when I don’t know how to fix my own car?

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  5. an excellent example, Jim. now I’m going to ask a professional to confirm and good luck on your personal initiative. I’ve seen this in teaching multi-age kinder toghter, the older kids model for the younger, and the younger look up to them and do it, and older now feel they should do it, as they are the ‘leaders’ and in teaching they’ve gained confidence, and it encourages them to do so, especially since they’ve now seen the younger kids can do it.

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    1. Great example, Beth! Cross-age tutoring programs are good for both children. I observed some of the naughtiest kids become responsible role models when put in that position.

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  6. I understand the concept here, but am struggling to make the connection as to how this improves our own confidence in attaining success. If I have yet to reach my goal, then my advice can only help you to come up a bit short also. And feeling that I am closer to success than the person asking for advice does not seem to equal success for me. Now asking for advice, that seems a obvious benefit in achieving a goal.

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    1. so who knew all those people we used to say behind their back “that person is better at giving advice than taking it” were actually helping themselves at the same time!


  7. I’ve known some BS’ers in life, who’ve followed this advice on giving advice. They act like they know it all, and they’re the answer to all of life’s problems. But then they go off and do the stupidest things. So I wouldn’t follow this advice about giving advice, and I advise the same policy for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is funny that people who used to give a lot of advice were often ridiculed for doing so, and told that maybe they should ask for advice. This research, for whatever reason, seems to go counter to that belief. I’m not sure I’m buying it 100% either…

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