I’m quite happy that it appears that Dan’s column in the Wall Street Journal is back with some regularity because it has always been a great source of material for my blog. And this week is no exception.
Here is one of the emails Dan received:
Dear Dan,
I am obsessed with my blogging stats. I can’t stop checking what the latest numbers reveal. If I am on my laptop and trying to get some work done, I’ll talk myself into just taking a quick look, but then 30 minutes slip by before I return to my work. If I’m driving somewhere and get a traffic light, I quickly take out my phone and open up the WordPress app. And more and more often the person behind me beeps because the light is now green. When I’m sitting at home watching TV, I’ll check my stats every two minutes, knowing that likely nothing has changed. But I end up having no idea what the TV show was about.
I also realize the stats mean nothing, it’s not like I’m blogging for money (we’d be bankrupt if I was). But it’s gotten to the point where the stats are all I think about. My wife will start telling me about her day, while in my mind I’m trying to estimate how many views I’ll have by the end of the week. Is there a way I can break away from this obsession? I’m worried I might start missing work because I’ll want to stay at home all day and just look at my stats. By the way, in case you are interested, I just hit an all-time high of five views the other day, and I am now up to two followers. I would be really honored if you would follow me. Thanks, Anonymous
And here was Dan’s response:
Dear Jim Anonymous:
I would not worry about it; I am obsessed with my stats as well. That’s why I am always happy when you feature one of my posts, since I know it will lead to a significant rise in my own stats. I think what you are suffering from is a sense of guilt; what I often suggest in such situations is to set goals for yourself not related to blogging, but when you achieve them, reward yourself with some stat-checking time.
For example, if you are in the middle of doing work, set a goal of not checking your stats for 10 minutes. If you are successful, reward yourself with 60 minutes of stat-checking time. When you are stuck at a light, set a goal of no more than three beeps from the car behind you when the light turns green. Reward yourself with a coffee from Wawa and sit in the parking lot drinking your coffee and checking your stats. And while watching TV, set a goal of trying to remember at least one of the plot lines. If you can successfully tell your spouse what the plotline is, reward yourself with some stat checking time until the next commercial comes along. You don’t want to miss the commercials.
OK, I gotta go, I have to check my stats… Dan
P.S. here is the link to the real Dan Ariely’s latest column
*image from Deviant Art
I think this Jim … er, um, Anonymous has a problem!!! Perhaps he needs a vacation on a desert island with no WiFi!!! 😉 Would have read the real Dan’s column, but the WSJ only lets me read the first few lines without a subscription. Used to have a subscription, but I fell out with them and canceled it about a year or so ago.
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This guy most certainly has problems, checking his stats constantly is just one of many. And I understand charging to read content, but it seems like not all of the stories in the Journal require a subscription, and it seems odd that Dan’s column would be behind the paywall…
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I must admit to checking my stats multiple times a day, and to being a bit disappointed if at the end of the day I fall under 300 views. I’ve even been known to wake in the middle of the night and see what’s what. Don’t tell anybody, though. 🤫
Yes, I thought it odd, too.
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sounds like we are kindred spirits when it comes to blog stats!
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It’s understandable … when you put so much of yourself into it, it’s good to know that people are at least reading your work, otherwise why bother?
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that’s always the hope that someone will read what you have writen!
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Dan’s the Man, but he ain’t no miracle worker. Judging by the email Anonymous is hopelessly addicted.🤣
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he could be a lost cause… 🙂
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Maybe a 12-step SA program – Stats Anonymous
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My name is Jim Borden and I am addicted to wordpress stats… 🙂
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Sounds like he gave you some great advice. Soon I think you’ll be down to checking your stats just 24 hours per day.
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I’ve usually found Dan’s advice useful, and it seems like he is spot on with this one. I hope this anonymous guy gets his life under control…
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If he doesn’t, he’s likely to become another statistic.
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any statistic is a good statistic…
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That guy who sent the email was anonymous, remember? One of those, “shall remain nameless…” guys!
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Uh, not sure what you’re talking about. May I please speak with your sister, who has the other half of your brain?
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What would you like to tell her, I will pass your message on. 🙂
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Ask her to read your comment, then tell me what the heck you were talking about.
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My sister would probably be confused! But you mean you forgot who the 4 “nameless guys” are who appear from time to time in my stories? The one who wrote that letter is one of them.
Ooh some people’s memories are so short!
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No, Dan Ariely wrote that letter to one of the four nameless guys. Namely, Jim. Look at the post again, and then decide whose memories are short, Mrs. Doolally Schtupid.
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I was talking about the first letter, dummkopf! The one to Dan. 🙂
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Oh, okay. So, did you have to consult with your sister before clarifying this?
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“No comment!” 🙂
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whose Dan?
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Umm.. the guy that Mr. Nameless wrote too!
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who is Mr. Nameless?
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Is Jim no longer nameless?
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No, Jim is nameless. But you’re Quincy.
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then who is Tink?
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😶🤚
Tink is Santa’s elf!
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and why shouldn’t he drink espresso?
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…mmm…! Because he is Y-O-U , being that you need it spelled out for you! 🙂
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Tink is one of the characters in Carolyn’s ongoing stories about the North Pole. She’s based the character after you. I think it’s a form of voodoo, which allows her to exact revenge on “nameless” bloggers.
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Oh gosh …and I see how sometimes I really shouldn’t mention things!
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Quincy is not my real name…
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Anonymous?
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he could be part of QAnon…
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There are worse addictions than this one. It all seems pretty harmless. You’ll have to do a post sometime about what conclusions you can draw from your stats.
My dad used to keep stats about His gasoline purchases. He was pretty obsessive about the whole thing.
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I hope this anonymous guy is able to keep things under control before it gets to be a serious problem.
It would be interesting to look at your dad’s stats and see how gas prices have changed over time…
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One of your best posts, my friend! This made me laugh out loud! The crossed out Jim in the salutation of his response, the reward of Wawa coffee, and the five views and two followers were all priceless humor. I got sucked in thinking the was just another great article from Dan being shared, but you twisted me into a ball of laughter. This is some great writing and creativity! Hope it busts your stats! Well written, Jim!
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thanks, Brad. I’m glad you enjoyed it. That Jim thing must have been Freudian slip on the part of Dan!
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That was supposed to be “boosts” your stats, not some hope that your stats break!
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the odds are much more likely that it will bust my stats… 🙂
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Thank you, Jim. I laughed out loud. You can write comedy….
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thanks, Jane! It was a fun one to write…
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thanks for making us wake up with a laugh. based on your responses, i’d say if you did the stats on this, the number of us who laughed would be be quite high. but don’t figure that out now, save that for a special treat later! not a bad vice to have, enjoy it !
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thanks, Beth. I always hope when I read Dan’s column that I can get a blog post out of it. But when I read his most recent one, nothing was coming to me, so I thought I’d make up my own letter to Dan…
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great motivation, often comes unexpectedly
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a deadline is a great motivator as well…
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An all time daily high of five views? What am I doing wrong!
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it’s just basic math: five years of daily blogging; increasing the views by one per year…
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I get it now. I should now be aspiring to eight a day…
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I just hope I can blog for 100 years…
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You and me both 👍
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🙂
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Ha ha, this made me chuckle jim. Gotta say though, five views a day? Who is this blogging superstar. I dream of those numbers….
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he did sign his name anonymous; he could be part of QAnon…
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Ha ha
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LOL That was hysterical. Great post, Jim. Funniest thing I’ve read all day. I’ve never been stat-obsessed, thank goodness. But I should probably so check them…
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thanks, Diana. this Anonymous guy needs to get his life together, and you must not have read too much today 🙂
and by the way, I am not sure what you go by – is it D. or Wallace, or Diana…
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Either D or Diana, and occasionally Donna or Sir. I go with the flow. 🙂
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OK, I’m glad you gave me a few options 🙂
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Too funny, Jimonymous. I do hope that Dan appreciate the traffic you send his way.
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I like that name – I might have to use it at some point! I’m sure Dan sees a huge spike in his views on those days when I reference his column 🙂
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Hmm . . . WordPress stats! And I thought the world ran on Dunkin’s donuts and coffee. Making a note to self . . . check my stats at least once a day. Besides, I am too busy reading posts like this one.
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Note to Richard: learn from me – don’t get sucked into the black hole of checking your stats… 🙂
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Thanks for the laugh!! Perhaps this guy can ask Santa to help give his STATS a Super Boost. I think I heard that you, I mean the anonymous guy, knows Santa pretty well! 🙂
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Anonymous is good friends with Santa, but he likes to keep that on the down low. I doubt if he would ask Santa for help; he’s just happy when Santa lends him his sleigh every one in a while…
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