Is This What Guys Really Do? (Because I Don’t)

I want to thank the Wall Street Journal for once again exposing me to a world I never knew existed.

In a previous post I wrote about an article that examined the eyebrow grooming habits of men, something I did not know guys did, and something I certainly did not do (and hope to never have to).

Well yesterday there was an article that looked at “nail-care“.

The author claims that sticking to the bare minimum—a hasty, resentful clipping—may suffice for a youngster, but when you’re an adult, it can leave you with “Edward Scissorhands” points and raggedy cuticles that signal a laissez-faire attitude about hygiene.

As an alternative, the article offers some tips for men who want to take their “nail-care” into their own hands.

The first recommendation is to buy a nice “manicure set”, such as the one shown above. Price tag: $689.00

I think I’ll stick with old faithful:

price tag: $6.89 (that’s right, the manicure set costs 100 times as much)

The next recommendation was a “how-to” clip your nails:

A common mistake is to cut nails down to the nub, which can make fingers look stubby. Aim for a relatively short, rounded and natural look. Leave an eighth of an inch at the tip, then use a nail file to even nails out. Take a buffer (a tool that smooths nail surfaces) and lightly “dust the top of each nail to exfoliate the dead cells and smooth nails,” said Ms. Lippmann (founder of a nail care company). Rub cuticle oil wherever the skin meets the nail, then use a nail pusher to push back the skin around the nail to get rid of the dead skin that can morph into a hangnail.

OK. I’m not going to measure an eighth of an inch, and I’m not going to use a nail file (I guess I like that Edward Scissorhands look).

price tag: $7.85

And I’m certainly not going to get a buffer so that I can exfoliate dead cells. (Actually, I had to look up what a nail buffer was, here’s a picture).

price tag: $9.49

And since I won’t be filing and buffing, I probably don’t need cuticle oil:

price tag: $7.94

And finally, a nail pusher just sounds painful (plus it looks like something a dentist would use), so forget about that:

price tag: $10.99

The last recommendation was to apply nail polish, if you have soft nails. I have no idea what kind of nails I have, and I’ve made it to 60 without knowing, or caring. So I think I can do without this finishing touch.

price tag: $9.94

For those who may be curious what my nail grooming technique is, it generally involves sticking the nail in between two of my teeth and ripping the top off until the top of the nail is at a point where I can’t scratch anyone. If it’s a special occasion, like going to Barnes & Noble, I may use the $6.89 clipper shown above.

I am grateful for these occasional male grooming articles that appear in the Wall Street Journal. It’s nice to know how much money I’m saving by having a “laissez-faire attitude about hygiene.”

My only concern is what kind of online ads I’ll now be seeing as a result of searching Amazon looking for images for all the products shown above

I also wonder if I’ll get a notice from Amazon about “detecting unusual activity” in my account.

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