I Have No Faith in the Results of This Survey

The headline of the story was interesting enough to capture my attention: “Over half of adults admit they have conversations with inanimate objects, plants, and pets

The poll, which was commissioned by TheJoyOfPlants.co.uk, surveyed 2,000 adults in the United Kingdom. Here were some of the results:

  • 50% routinely “chat” with inanimate objects at home.
  • 60% say they’ll often have “entirely two-way” conversations with their pets.
  • 44% of adults frequently talk with their house plants. Within that group, four in 10 usually ask their plant if it’s thirsty.
  • 25% have lashed out verbally at an object or appliance for failing to do its job.
  • 24% admit they’ve yelled at an alarm clock to shut up.
  • 20% have pleaded with their car to keep going while low on fuel
  • 10% have verbally thanked an ATM for dispensing their cash.
  • 60% have been caught while talking to an object and 60% of those situations ended in laughter.

OK. Maybe I’m just a sample of one.

But I think I’ve done all those things, particularly “lashing out verbally at an object or appliance for failing to do its job.” Yes, I’m looking at my Windows laptop while I write this.

I’ve also given verbal gratitude to my scale when it shows that I’ve lost a pound or two.

And who hasn’t spoken to their pet? I think you’d be kind of psycho if you haven’t.

So my guess is that the responses should all be close to 100%, but for some reason, some people did not want to admit such behavior.

On the other hand, there is the chance that the survey is accurate, and I’m the one who’s a little bit odd, at least when it comes to my talkative behavior with both animate and inanimate objects.

Of course, that would just be one more odd behavior to add to the many I already possess.

Anyone else up for calculating what 2 raised to the 100th power is, by hand? (I can’t trust my stupid calculator to give me the right answer…)

*image from ForbesBooks

88 thoughts on “I Have No Faith in the Results of This Survey

  1. I agree, it’s probably closer to 100%. Which begs a question, could this be evidence of how much people lie on surveys? It’s amazing how many liars there are in this world. I think the figure is about 99%. As for me, I’m in the 1%, and I’m guessing I’m one of a rare few who never talks to pets, plants, or inanimate objects.

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      1. And that’s exactly when to turn them off. They don’t call it “booting” for nothing. A good swift kick usually teaches the bastards a lesson, and they start behaving again.

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  2. I’m with you!!

    Def 2-way convos with pets. I believe the communicate telepathically. I also say hello to just about any animal I see, particularly small birds.

    But I don’t talk to my plants nor 5hank the atm for $$.

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  3. I think I’ve only done a couple of these. I routinely talk to my dog, though I don’t know if I’d view it as a two-way conversation. It feels like she is thinking, “What is he blabbering about now?” The only other one I know I’ve done is getting mad at our copy machine at work that always seemed to break down at the worst times, which sounds ridiculous now that I’m writing it.🤣

    A couple of them strike me as hilarious (thanking the ATM dispenser and pleading with the car). I have to think people would be pretty embarrassed if others could see them.

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    1. I’m sure the various inanimate objects that don’t behave the way they should have been called every name under the sun.

      and the atm one is kind of odd; maybe some people have no idea how much they have in their account, and are pleasantly surprised when it dispenses cash to them…

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  4. Ok, I 100% do 90% of these lol. I don’t talk to my plants. I don’t have any plants. But I make voices for my pets when I have them and I have them talk to each other and me. I have entire arguments with inanimate objects, I have begged my car to just go a little bit further, I have gotten into a drop down drag out fight with a blanket (it would NOT let me up and I really had to pee), I have gotten into a heated debate with a suitcase because I was angry that it tried to kill me even though it denied any such behavior, I argue with books as I’m reading them as if they could respond (think of people yelling at the tv as if that will change what’s about to happen), etc. However, my ex did none of these things. He only did it to be a pain in my arse. If I was driving his car and it did something I didn’t like (all those obnoxiously beepy, dingy, glowing safety features really annoy me), he would let the dashboard and tell it “don’t pay any attention to her. She’s cranky and mean and you’re perfect.” When I would inevitably get into a major disagreement with Siri, he would call up siri on his phone and apologize to her for my “uncivilized” behavior. My phone would typically just take it like a champ and say something snarky back (usually something like “that’s not nice” or whatever. Snarky for a phone anyway), his phone would always tell him that it could search the internet for the meaning of “I’m sorry, Marla’s just being mean.” 😂 or if I was having a full blown conversation with one of the pets, he would come in and usually add a sentence here and there where the dog suddenly became extremely sarcastic. Other than to annoy me, there was only once in 20 years he ever did anything like this list. When my sister and nephew moved in with us Nov of 2019, the dog got one of those stupid Bark Boxes and there was a squeaky apple slice in it. The dog didn’t like it and the baby did. It was soft. We gave it to the baby who was sitting in his carrier because he couldn’t even sit up yet. The dog snuck up behind him and really carefully took the apply from the baby who started to get fussy. My sister said “look at what you did! For an apple slice! Are you proud of yourself?” To the dog. The dog looked over his shoulder just as my ex said “yesss.” It was perfect timing and we all nearly died from the giggles. (The baby forgot about the apple slice a half second later, and the dog about a minute after that).

    I have never thanked an ATM. I know what’s there that I can take. So it’s not doing me any favors. I have gotten upset when I had to deposit into one. I can’t help it and I usually say “here take it! Not like I wanted any of my money for something fun anyway!” Take back my atm card and huff out to my car. No, I don’t know why lol

    Ok. I’ll straight up say it. I talk too much, even when no one else is around lol and no, I’m not embarrassed at all by it. It’s part of my quirkiness, and you’d be surprised at how many animals and people stop what they’re doing to find out what you have so much to say about when you’re all by yourself in the middle of a parking lot. 😂

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    1. well maybe if you had some plants you would talk to those as well.

      soundsl ike you and your ex would have some interesting conversations 🙂

      and we’ve all got our quirks…

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      1. I don’t like plants, so I would never have any to talk to. I had one plant, once. An aloe plant. I have a black thumb, my ex’s is as green as Gaia’s herself. Except for this stupid plant. It stayed next to my computer, which was in the darkest spot of the room, I never remembered to water it, so I ended up giving it the dregs of my coffee every morning before work, and sometimes a teeny bit of oreo milk at night if I had oreos. The cat bit the stalks all the time, he even knocked it over like four times. It just kept getting bigger and greener – and I could have sworn I heard it call me Seymore like twice in five years. I killed the four cacti that I had gotten over those years within weeks. I mean, I didn’t have to do anything to them for MONTHS after purchase, yet they all died within weeks. This aloe plant just kept going. Never spoke to it though. Not until it’s dying day. My ex decided that all the darkness and coffee and milk was not good for it, so he decided he was going to give it some real water and put it where it could get a little light. i told him to leave it alone that it didn’t like that stuff, it was happy. He told me to shush. He took it. An hour later I heard him drop the f-bomb and I knew in my heart what it meant. I went as fast as my legs could carry me, and there, in the elongating shadows on the carpet, was my aloe plant. It survived 5 years of me, and 1 hour of being treated like an actual plant and it was a sickly green and all the stalks had bent to touch the ground and the aloe inside was smooshy. It was at that point that I told it that it was my favorite plant I ever had and that I appreciated it’s dark humor. My ex packed it up very gently in a trash bag and popped it down the chute.

        We still have those insane conversations. We voice birds, squirrels, the pets at the house, even the babies. It’s just a fun thing that we’ve always enjoyed. No reason to give it up. He’s actually texted me videos of the kids doing something or other and then called me and we created entire conversations based on the videos LOL OK i made that sound like it’s kind of ancient hisory, but we just did that on Monday.

        Everyone has quirks, I agree. i seem to collect them though. I have a lovely collection of rare and antique quirks that I got from Quarks. HA! I made myself laugh anyway LOL

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      2. maybe you found the secret to what aloe plants really want.

        it’s nice that you and your ex can still laugh together – and that you can make yourself laugh.

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      3. Nah. I thought of that. I marched my happy butt out and got another aloe plant (first plant I ever actually purchased) because obviously aloe plants are my spirit animals. 1 hour. I didn’t even get to give it coffee or anything. It just started dying. My ex took it and was able to tlc it to life. I took it back. He had to take it away again. I almost gave up on it as a hopeless lost cause, but something inside my mind said to try again. In a little over a week, that plant was in my possession a grand total of 2.5 hours and I killed it on that third go. I gave up. It was that one plant that ONE time. Bummer.

        Oh he will always be able to make me laugh. He’s funny. And I KNOW I entertain me, so it’s all good lol

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  5. I would say talking to pets is normal and pretty much what your supposed to do as a responsible owner? In dog class we are encouraged to keep constant dialogue so the dog becomes familiar with your voice.

    Other habits from me including kissing the door of my house when I arrive back from a long trip away!

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  6. Chat is probably not the right word in my case. Rants or curses are commonplace and mainly directed at IT devices. I have to wonder about my sanity sometimes when I actually ask them questions about why they don’t work and what their point is. I regularly talk to animals. Only this morning I was talking to a robin in the garden about the weather.

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  7. Not everyone has pets of course so that would make up a proportion of the ‘nevers’. I certainly have choice words for those inanimate object that fling themselves at my head when I open cupboards!

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  8. Sorry for the late comment Jim ….. Christmas shopping! I’m sure I’ve done most of those things too, but am incessantly annoyed by dog walkers who talk to their mutts crapping all through the woods as I walk by. The best thing I ever saw regarding this was a scene from Fawlty Towers starring John Cleese many years ago. In the sketch he has to leave his restaurant to collect a Dutch from a takeaway for his hotel guests. On the way back his car breaks down. In the classical Cleese manner, he berates it, threatens it, grabs a tree which he uproots from a nearby garden and proceeds to beat the bar with the tree! It’s worth a watch. Just Google something like “John Cleese eats car with tree” etc Its on YouTube

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    1. no apologies needed!

      I just watched that clip; you can feel his frustration, which we’ve all felt. and he seemed way too big for that little car!

      and by the way, what is a Dutch?

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  9. Some of my longest conversations are with my cat. He’ll answer my questions with a Mrow for as long as I want to keep going. I’m not sure I’ve thanked an ATM recently, but I probably only use one once or twice a year. Not much opportunity there… plus they are recording it.

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  10. Ok I do this all the time lol.. But only when I’m angry at said objects lol like you, when things aren’t working the way they should be..

    My last place as a one bedroom condo and for some reason the water temperature was either cold or scalding hot… I just remember one day screaming at it, “if you can’t be regular hot then I can’t do this with you anymore!!!!!!!!!!”

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  11. You’re asking a math question? 😳 Well, that’s another whole blog post… No, you are not crazy or weird at talking to pets and objects. Doesn’t everyone do that? Okay… am I the only one who also sings to pets, and to the vacuum cleaner?

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