These “Attaboys” Are Supposed to Lift My Spirits?

I just came across a new smartphone app called Attaboy! which has the following description:

Attaboy! is always there for you with a fresh compliment to lift your spirits! Rate the compliments you like (and the ones you don’t) so that Attaboy! displays only the messages that make you feel great! All compliments in Attaboy! are generated by other Attaboy! users. If you want to submit your own compliment, simply tap the pen button at the top of the app and submit your own, knowing that thousands of Attaboy! users out there will have a better day! Enjoy!

It sounded like a fun little app that might just provide a brief spark of motivation or simply put a smile on my face, so I downloaded it.

Here were the first 10 attaboys I received, with my comments in parentheses):

  • Your beard is the fastest growing beard on earth (what beard??)
  • Vladimir Putin is intimidated by you. (maybe if Chuck Norris was intimidated by me I’d feel better)
  • Your arm hair is fantastic. (well this one is pretty accurate)
  • You’re so organized and responsible, but you still know how to have a good time. (they must have mixed me up with some organized guy that has a beard)
  • Women break their thumbs swiping right for you on Tindr. (again, this Attaboy app must have me confused with some guy that has a beard)
  • You’re a funny guy. I like you. (are you referring to the guy with the beard or the guy with the fantastic arm hair)
  • If you were in Game of Thrones, you would have won the Iron Throne and brought peace to Westeros (I have no idea what you are talking about; is this one of those comments generated by robots that make no sense?)
  • You are so much fun to be around. you are like a walking party (you must have sat in on one of my accounting lectures)
  • The Old Spice Guy was pretending to be you while filming those commercials (not sure how this is supposed to be a compliment)
  • You’re so unbelievably smart. Can someone say Einstein 2.0? (only if Einstein also had fantastic arm hair)

After reading those first 10 attaboys, I don’t really feel like my spirits were lifted. In fact, I feel kind of worse.

I don’t have a beard, I’m not that organized, I’ve never been on Tindr, I don’t get the Westeros reference, I’m certainly no Einstein, and no one would get me mixed up with a walking party.

I guess all those things are supposed to be good, and I am none of those. Thanks, Attaboy, for ruining my night.

Needless to say, the app has been deleted.

And doing that made me feel better about myself.

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