Dan Pink: Three Simple Words for Dealing with Challenging Situations

family, humor, lessons learned, Teaching and Education 1 Minute

In the latest episode of his Pinkcast, Dan Pink offers guidance on how to respond more effectively to people when they come to us with complications, confusion, and complaints.

Usually, when people come to us with a problem or grievance, we try to respond with a quick solution to the issue at hand. This is often not an optimal approach to the problem.

A better solution, according to two authors, is to utter three words.

So what are these three words?

I tried to guess what those three words might be and came up with the following possibilities.

  • not my problem
  • please go away
  • go eat something
  • deal with it
  • I like turtles
  • you are fired
  • I am busy
  • eat, pray, love
  • control alt delete

Surprisingly, not a single one of the 27 words above was part of the suggested three-word phrase, which was… drum roll, please….

Tell Me More

There are two reasons why this works:

  1. you learn more about the context of the situation
  2. it is clear that when you ask someone to “tell you more”, you are listening, not just offering advice.

People want to be heard, and the anger and resentment can dissipate which may then enable the person to come up with a solution on their own.

Dan closes his short Pinkcast (130 seconds), with the following advice:

Resist the temptation to jump in by jumping back…

*image from The Crossing

Published by Jim Borden

A 60-something guy trying to figure out the world, and his place in it. Happily married for 40-plus years, three wonderful sons. Accounting teacher, fitness enthusiast, blogger, reader.

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40 thoughts on “Dan Pink: Three Simple Words for Dealing with Challenging Situations”

  1. Very good advice. Something I probably have never done. I think most of us tend to jump. I hope I remember this in the future but I can’t make any promises. Something about teaching old dogs new tricks. And a brain that is forgetting more than it remembers these days.

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  3. Good words! They show a little more caring than your suggested phrases. LOL!

    Jumping back is good advice. I am a sympathizer and can easily jump in which can be the right thing at times. But you have to be careful, for you can get in over your head!

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  7. This is the kind of advice that really pays off. It is simple to understand and unambiguous in its suggestions of how to respond or behave. I hope to apply this technique in future conflicts. Great post to share, Jim!

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  12. Haha! You know where my mind went first—telemarketers. I usually say “I’m not interested,” before they’ve completed their first sentence. Perhaps that’s rude, but I don’t want to offer them any encouragement, and I’m usually a very encouraging person.

    One fo my buddies has a very creative line for telemarketers. “This is so interesting, but I don’t have time right now. Why don’t you give me your home phone number, and I’ll call you back tonight?” He says their is usually “stunned silence.” 🤣🤣🤣

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  15. Ah, and I thought those three words were going to be ‘Uh huh, right.’

    ‘Please go away’ is a good alternative though. I wonder why that wasn’t mentioned in the video. Works well with random strangers complaining about how you should smile more as a cashier.

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  18. Miss your blog, Jim! Every once in a while I check it to see if you’ve returned to blogging. Maybe in Summer 2027 when you retire? … time goes so much faster as we get older and before you know it, it will be then! Don’t be afraid to remind us if you return to posting your thoughts and/or sharing your favorites of other bloggers like this one 🙂

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    1. Hi Susan! I keep hoping to get back in blogging, and then life has other plans. Fingers crossed that things slow down in a couple of months and then I can re-enter the world of blogging. How are things with you? How is your son doing?

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      1. thanks for asking! Blogging takes a surprising amount of time, even when I think, Oh, I’ll just upload this essay I already wrote, I find myself tinkering with it WAY too long! My son is my fulltime job, but he is in a wonderful community based work-training day program that has helped him feel the familiarity of “school” And it gives me about 5 hours a day of me-time —time which goes WAY too fast. (The subject of my essay!

        Not sure I should share but since at least I did write SOMEthing, I will let my “dear readers” (all 10s of them!) 🙂 decide if it is worth reading … Hope you and your family are all well. And perhaps with retirement you will find a way to turn your excellent blog into a book. It was/is good stuff!

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      2. that’s great to hear about your son being in a fulltime program – sounds like a win-win for him and you.

        I’m heading over to your site to read your latest post!

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  20. and I’ve been rereading your United Technologies essays/commentaries… I think they’d make an interesting book! Of interest especially among business/marketing majors. So much historical context and progress ( for women especially ) comparing your essays and Gray’s. Maybe your university press would see things my way 🙂

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