When in Doubt, Reach Out

Blogging, family, happiness, lessons learned, technology 1 Minute

It’s been a  while since I’ve shared a Pinkcast, video clips from Dan Pink that offered useful advice typically in less than two minutes.

One of Dan’s recent Pinkcasts deals with a dilemma many of us have faced.

The thought comes into your head to get in touch with a friend you haven’t communicated with in a long time.

But you hesitate, usually because of two fears:

  • you think it will be an awkward conversation.
  • the other person won’t really care if you reach out to them or not.

Well, according to Dan, research has shown that we are wrong on both counts.

It won’t be nearly as awkward as we imagine, and the person does care that you reached out.

So Dan says the solution to the dilemma can be summed up in five words:

When in doubt, reach out.

Here’s the Pinkcast:

*image from pngitem

Published by Jim Borden

A 60-something guy trying to figure out the world, and his place in it. Happily married for 40-plus years, three wonderful sons. Accounting teacher, fitness enthusiast, blogger, reader.

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107 thoughts on “When in Doubt, Reach Out”

  1. We do tend to worry a lot about things that aren’t true. So I agree, reach out. The worse that could happen is to find out that they really don’t want to hear from you, but at least then you know! No more wondering! You can scratch them off your Christmas card list. 🙂

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  4. I don’t always agree with Dan, but I think he has this one right. I’ve become the de facto organizer of many gatherings among old friends, and my efforts are appreciated in nearly every case. Somewhere along the line, I realized it was way more worth the risk to try.

    Part of that philosophy has been developed by my own experiences. I ALWAYS love hearing from old students. The fact that they reach out many times after years have passed always feels great. Why not give others the same feeling? If someone doesn’t respond to my inquiry, I guess I’m old enough that it doesn’t bother me because I still know it’s the right thing to do.

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    1. I need to be more like you, and I agree, it is nice hearing from former students, and sometimes I’ll take the initiative to reach out to them to see what they’ve been up to.

      Dan’s motto reminds me of that AT&T slogan – Reach Out and Touch Someone!

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  6. Oh oh oh oh oh … WOW!!! I can’t believe you posted this at this time!!! I’ve been thinking exactly those thoughts for about a week or ten days now! I reached out to one who used to be my bestie, and she rejected the overture. (My political views have cost me numerous friends and even family members) But then, I reached out last night to another, a former co-worker and ‘lunch-buddy’ … and he didn’t say much, but did respond with a ‘Thank you’. Of late, I find myself missing old friends who, due to my world views, have stepped away, and just about an hour before reading this, I had decided not to bother trying any more, but now … I think I’ll try again … maybe, just maybe, friendship can rise above political views? Thank you, Jim.

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      4. Eh … it happens. I am, however, seriously considering quitting Facebook, for it has become more of a burden than a way to keep up with friends who are no longer friends. And you know I’m grateful to be stuck with you!!!

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      10. Drama, yes, but also … oh, I dunno … ignorance? I have friends who do nothing but post pictures of their food, their new furniture or Christmas ornaments, and I wonder if they even realize that this nation is in dire distress? It annoys me when … they ignore everything serious and think that the world only exists in the confines of their own little lives. Sigh. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound cruel, but … too many of my ‘friends’ on Facebook seem to think that if they can just ignore the world outside for long enough, it will simply go away. Sigh.

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      12. ‘Tis the same here. I have a few Facebook ‘friends’ who will read my Jolly Monday or Good People Wednesday posts, but nothing else. The important ones are left untouched. ‘Tis a sign that there are many shallow people out there.

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      17. I might as well stop posting mine there … I get on average 2-3 views from Facebook per day … not really worth the effort. I stopped doing birthday wishes for a while, but only recently resumed. It does, after all, only take a few seconds and maybe, just maybe it brings a smile here and there.

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    2. that’s a shame to lose touch with people over political beliefs; hopefully you could find some common interests that helped create the friendship in the first place. I can do a much better job staying in touch with old friends as well. Good luck, Jill!

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      1. It happens, my friend. With one, maybe two exceptions, I’m not losing sleep over it. Perhaps it’s my fault, perhaps I simply cannot keep my mouth shut when something doesn’t sit well with me. But … as Popeye used to say, “I yam what I yam.”

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      3. Families have divided, marriages dissolved, and parents separated by more than just miles from their children. My own son is a Trumpeter and I find I just cannot carry on more than the briefest of chats with him before I want to throttle him. Sigh.

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  8. I really agree with him on this one. I think we sometimes build up all kinds of negative scenarios in our heads perhaps out of fear of rejection or feeling guilty or some other possible reason. in the end, it is worth reaching out, and almost always ends in some sort of positive outcome.

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  9. What the world really needs is fewer platitudes and more simple actions underscoring our need for connection.
    We’ve all seen the aphorisms on Facebook and other platforms about friendships but my experience had been a tremendous lack of follow through in terms of making it happen
    Let’s hope Jim and Dan have helped in bringing this more to our attention

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  12. What I don’t understand about this is that, if we are all so wrong in what we think, how did all those pieces of research find so many respondents who thought otherwise?

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  13. Or you could reach out…and then doubt. I dunno. I’ve had mixed results with this in my life. With someone reaching out to me who had an agenda. Once I realized what it was, yeah…no. With me reaching out to others…I’ve had some good results and some not so good results. It really all depends on the context, the person and the relationship you’ve already established.

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  15. Thank you Jim! This post reminds me to reach out to a former colleague from years ago. We started teaching in the same year are different school systems, but our paths crossed a few years later. Great podcast!

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  17. I certainly would appreciate an old friend reaching out to me, so it’s good to know that it’s not a problem if I do the reaching out.

    However, I am sometimes scared when someone does reach out to me out of blue — specially if it might involve financial favors.

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  18. I have had this very dilemma, and it isn’t always as easy as it sounds! I have gone ahead and reached out, and the person is happy to reconnect. Invariably, though, the pattern seems to be that I keep having to keep the connection going. I think it is certainly worth doing, initially, as long as the understanding that it may come to nothing sits well (enough) with the one extending themselves. Rejection is never easy to take, whether overt or not.

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